A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
