I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
