I puked a lego.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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