Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ladies don't puke and tell
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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