What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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