The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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