U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
