i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
