I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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