Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize