Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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