You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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