you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
