I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
