So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
