U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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