the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
