i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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