This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
