Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
