Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
