hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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