Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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