Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i think i just lost a toe
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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