The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
