you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize