My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
