i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize