Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
