The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do herpes really smell.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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