I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
