i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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