Duck Duck Cougar?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize