Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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