I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
