I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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