My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
