I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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