Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
