Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
