I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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