how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
