Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
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Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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