Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
