The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
