i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
