the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
