How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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