I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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