I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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