I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
