Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my shit smells like andre
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
