Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
