I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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