You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize