I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
