my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
