hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
