So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
