just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
