I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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