Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
