There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
