hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
