apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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