You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
