I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
