My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize