Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize