I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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