i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
