I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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