The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
