I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
