what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
50% drunk capacity currently
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
