How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
