After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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