U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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