I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
