Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
