My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
