I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
