remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
