I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
