is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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