I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
