Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
