I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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