Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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