Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize