Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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