the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
