True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Randomize
