I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
