I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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