even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
