Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize