He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
