I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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