I accidentally burped into my bong.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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