are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
where are my eyebrows?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
