I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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