I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
