Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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