afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
